I feel like this either wants to be a much longer story, like a proper novella, with lots of time to breathe and reflect, or this needs to be trimmed down significantly. You have a lot of characters—Victor, Will, their Mom, their Dad, Beth, Henry, Justine, the Monster—and a lot of threads and plots—Victor falling into death science, him grappling with his sexuality, his relationships with everyone else, his dead mother—the lists go on and on and on. As-is, it feels like all those threads are competing for space, and so none of them get the time and energy they deserve.
If you want to expand this, I feel like you need about three times as long for everything: meaningful conversations between characters, plenty of time to get used to each new setting, time for Victor to continue making bad choices and fall deeper into his own self-destruction, a chance for each thread and theme to wind in and out of each other.
If you want to cut this down, I'd cut about half your characters and about half your plotlines: either make this a story about Victor's own self-destruction and descent in villainy, or make this a story about Victor coming to terms with Henry and Beth and his own sexuality. Either one would be good and interesting, but right now they conflict, rather than complement.
Despite all that, I liked this piece a lot: your language is evocative, the choices feel both important but also fitting, the characters only get a little screentime but are appealing in what we do get. However you decide to develop this piece further, I think it'll only improve.
This game was super great, the story was very compelling and the tone was well composed. I loved how visceral it was, especially the sympathetic moment with the monster in the mountains. I believe this story could have been made a bit tighter with some truncation. There was a lot of movement that didn't feel totally necessary, and I caught myself feeling a little lost in between the very strong moments. I did appreciate that you made sure to show, rather than simply tell, the different characters personalities. Great job! Can't wait to see this finished!
This is so deep. It somehow look back at my life as well. I was impressed with the length and the various choices it led me to progress through the story. I don't know much about the original Frankenstein story but the whole story was engaging, shocking and so sad at the same time which kept the story compelling to read. Maybe it was the trolling choices I made but I felt really horrible playing this lol. It was really interesting playing this!
Lovely game as always- so glad to see how it went. would love to see this in a format besides twine, like a visual novel style! right now the format kinda dulls my eyes.
the choices were used to make you understand the character's thoughts, which is interesting, as it gives the player an option to make Victor their own. At the same time, some of the choices didn't feel like choices-some of them felt like 2 sentences that were fragmented apart.
I also had no idea if it ended or not, because there wasn't a choice to continue (I got the ending where you smile at Henry at the end? shoot i forgot i should have screencapped it). but i really like how there was a narrative arc in this. It certainly felt complete and had rising actions and whatnot!!
MAX THIS IS SO IMPRESSIVE. It's been a while since I read Frankestein but from what I can recall, this follow it pretty decently! Really nice touch of the background, yess.
The player were often offered multiple choices for specific scenes but I sometimes found myself going back and forth wondering if the choices actually mattered. For some of them, it was noticeable that it would barely change the next bit of text and it seemed like there were a fair amount of those. I think it's a good amount of choices and options overall though. There weren't really any sections of text walls, they varied back and forth, and I think that helped in not making too many walls. However, if it becomes unavoidable, I do suggest making sure the paragraphs are indented properly when playing and that the text wall nodes actually have a significant turn in the story. It can be used as a good signal to the player.
Wow how loooong is this! This is awesome. I though this is really going to be focused on the foot but it turns out to be a horror story. This is so long and I played it the last, so my brain is a bit soggy at this point, and I didn't really think about the choices I made, mostly just enjoying the ride, which is a really good one. Beth's death was a bit obvious. I guess a problem is at one point the chance to get closer with a character is a bit obvious, like I have little reason to not to do that. But overall its awesome and I envy your CSS graphics
Overall, I think the choice structure is quite good, especially once the internal conflicts really kick into high gear -- Victor confronting his feelings about Henry, and then in agony over the process and result of his experimentation. All these choices feel significant even if I'm not totally sure which ones affect the outcome -- I didn't feel like any were "betrayed by the consequences," so the moment of choice is working.
The childhood synopsis, up to the point where Victor is in college, mostly feels... perfunctory? Like we're getting necessary backstory in order to get to the REAL action in college, with experiments and going on dates that Victor doesn't know are dates, that kind of thing. Makes me wonder whether it'd be possible to do some of this as flashback or with another technique, so we can start more "in the action." However, it is certainly important to make sure the player knows who Henry, Beth and Justine are before they play major roles in the story. I like how Victor's mother pushes him to get together with Beth, for instance -- but I could even see this being a flashback at the moment we first meet Beth in the story.
The pace mostly worked for me until the end, when things felt a little more linear and didn't quite "escalate" into the panicked, violent confrontation being described in the text. Shorter passages might work, and maybe with more desperate-feeling choices? (The one where you can step in front of Henry, or hide Henry's eyes etc certainly works, but that feels like a major choice, and the later section seems like it could use some minor ones too.)
Foot, definitely the foot -- great negative agency choice :D
Not going to lie the reveal for the Frankenstein killing the little brother feels off. When we first saw him speak (which was a big "oh shoot" moment), he sounded mature. As he continues to speak and he reveals he strangled Will, it doesn't sound like him. Make sure you keep his tone consistent!
I didn't read the book so you can correct me on this. If we're not playing as Frankenstein, why do we play as someone who has the last name?
I feel like the choices were good but maybe you should consider going more into the creation process of Frankenstein. Yes, we worked with the foot and the fun is making im come to life but what about the building process. How did we get the heart, and, the brain, and the eyes?
How do you feel about the choices and options? are there too many/ too few of a certain kind? Do you feel like you have agency in the story? How about big text walls- Is there too much text in each passage?
The feet part gave me serotonin thank you. This was very good and heartwarming! I'm happy that there's a good ending with Henry. Also this feels extremely complete already which is cool, you can spend the last week making it even better.
The reveal at the end that it's Victor telling Justine everything that happened makes sense, until you think from the beginning. The entire exposition dump there wouldn't make any sense if it's Victor telling his sister about stuff that she already knows, unless I'm reading it wrong? Either way, I felt like there was a lot of explained exposition right away that was too much and was hard to keep up with a little bit. You could instead think about opening at the mom's death and then through that show Victor's relationships with others, in order to minimize the amount of actual flat explaining that will have to be done (just a random thought you don't have to implement by any means!) This would also make sense with the whole explaining to Justine part, since you could say the mom's death is where it all started for Victor and his creation of the monster, something that she wouldn't know I think?
Overall, it was really good! Great writing, incredibly heartwarming and wholesome content, which is interesting for a story as horrific and iconic as Frankenstein. I liked the pacing a lot and the way it's formatted. The stylesheet is also verryyyy cool and fitting
While the beginning feels like a bit of an exposition dump, I can understand where it's coming from in how the original story is told. It may work better if the information was integrated throughout the story a little bit more, though.
The choices I was making felt a little uninformed at the beginning; while I've read the book, in the context of the game, I don't know who I am or what I'm doing. Are the choices I'm making deciding who I'm going to be/who I am? I'm not entirely sure if the choices I make change what's happening.
Overall, it felt like the majority of the story was exposition, and some portions jumped in time as well. Since the story is being told in past tense, maybe an introduction into why Victor's telling this story could go a long way in grounding it!
The negative choices - where what I thought was going to happen didn't, such as trying to call Henry but getting the answering machine - felt successful! I felt like the story was nudging me in a certain direction, but in a way that felt meaningful to Victor.
There's a bit of disparity between Victor's internal thoughts and the voice of the choices he makes. I feel like this works, however, since it's almost as if he's ignoring his subconscious and goes ahead with his work anyways.
Frankenstein's voice sounds a little formal, for having learned to speak from listening in on a modern family.
Beth's reactions to Victor telling her about Frankenstein - especially after Victor talks to her about his talk with the monster - felt a bit disconnected from what was going on. I felt like there were good hints and lead-up to the conversation immediately after - about Victor being gay - but it felt a bit sudden after what just happened with Frankenstein.
I really liked the different endings that change based on how your relationship to Henry changes! I kind of felt like there weren't huge consequences for Victor's/the creatures actions in the larger world, however.
(Sorry if my comments are a little haphazard, I wrote my thoughts out as I was playing!)
hello, im early (i played your game this morning, max!)
i remember you asked me if your choices provided "agency" and if i felt as though they impacted anything. after playing through this demo, i realized that many of the choices affected my relationship with Henry and Beth (i keep imagining henry cavil as henry? sorry about my type casting). so, in that case, it makes the interactions with the Creature feel very odd, as you cant show any ounce of sympathy to it. is this a commentary of how victor doesnt see the creature as a person?
regardless! the writing is still top notch, and i was very happy that i got the chance to talk it out with henry about my feelings. i dont have crushes/like guys, but i felt happy to be with henry
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I feel like this either wants to be a much longer story, like a proper novella, with lots of time to breathe and reflect, or this needs to be trimmed down significantly. You have a lot of characters—Victor, Will, their Mom, their Dad, Beth, Henry, Justine, the Monster—and a lot of threads and plots—Victor falling into death science, him grappling with his sexuality, his relationships with everyone else, his dead mother—the lists go on and on and on. As-is, it feels like all those threads are competing for space, and so none of them get the time and energy they deserve.
If you want to expand this, I feel like you need about three times as long for everything: meaningful conversations between characters, plenty of time to get used to each new setting, time for Victor to continue making bad choices and fall deeper into his own self-destruction, a chance for each thread and theme to wind in and out of each other.
If you want to cut this down, I'd cut about half your characters and about half your plotlines: either make this a story about Victor's own self-destruction and descent in villainy, or make this a story about Victor coming to terms with Henry and Beth and his own sexuality. Either one would be good and interesting, but right now they conflict, rather than complement.
Despite all that, I liked this piece a lot: your language is evocative, the choices feel both important but also fitting, the characters only get a little screentime but are appealing in what we do get. However you decide to develop this piece further, I think it'll only improve.
This game was super great, the story was very compelling and the tone was well composed. I loved how visceral it was, especially the sympathetic moment with the monster in the mountains. I believe this story could have been made a bit tighter with some truncation. There was a lot of movement that didn't feel totally necessary, and I caught myself feeling a little lost in between the very strong moments. I did appreciate that you made sure to show, rather than simply tell, the different characters personalities.
Great job! Can't wait to see this finished!
This is so deep. It somehow look back at my life as well. I was impressed with the length and the various choices it led me to progress through the story. I don't know much about the original Frankenstein story but the whole story was engaging, shocking and so sad at the same time which kept the story compelling to read. Maybe it was the trolling choices I made but I felt really horrible playing this lol. It was really interesting playing this!
Lovely game as always- so glad to see how it went. would love to see this in a format besides twine, like a visual novel style! right now the format kinda dulls my eyes.
the choices were used to make you understand the character's thoughts, which is interesting, as it gives the player an option to make Victor their own. At the same time, some of the choices didn't feel like choices-some of them felt like 2 sentences that were fragmented apart.
I also had no idea if it ended or not, because there wasn't a choice to continue (I got the ending where you smile at Henry at the end? shoot i forgot i should have screencapped it). but i really like how there was a narrative arc in this. It certainly felt complete and had rising actions and whatnot!!
Wonderful job :]
MAX THIS IS SO IMPRESSIVE. It's been a while since I read Frankestein but from what I can recall, this follow it pretty decently! Really nice touch of the background, yess.
The player were often offered multiple choices for specific scenes but I sometimes found myself going back and forth wondering if the choices actually mattered. For some of them, it was noticeable that it would barely change the next bit of text and it seemed like there were a fair amount of those. I think it's a good amount of choices and options overall though. There weren't really any sections of text walls, they varied back and forth, and I think that helped in not making too many walls. However, if it becomes unavoidable, I do suggest making sure the paragraphs are indented properly when playing and that the text wall nodes actually have a significant turn in the story. It can be used as a good signal to the player.
Wow how loooong is this! This is awesome. I though this is really going to be focused on the foot but it turns out to be a horror story. This is so long and I played it the last, so my brain is a bit soggy at this point, and I didn't really think about the choices I made, mostly just enjoying the ride, which is a really good one. Beth's death was a bit obvious. I guess a problem is at one point the chance to get closer with a character is a bit obvious, like I have little reason to not to do that. But overall its awesome and I envy your CSS graphics
Overall, I think the choice structure is quite good, especially once the internal conflicts really kick into high gear -- Victor confronting his feelings about Henry, and then in agony over the process and result of his experimentation. All these choices feel significant even if I'm not totally sure which ones affect the outcome -- I didn't feel like any were "betrayed by the consequences," so the moment of choice is working.
The childhood synopsis, up to the point where Victor is in college, mostly feels... perfunctory? Like we're getting necessary backstory in order to get to the REAL action in college, with experiments and going on dates that Victor doesn't know are dates, that kind of thing. Makes me wonder whether it'd be possible to do some of this as flashback or with another technique, so we can start more "in the action." However, it is certainly important to make sure the player knows who Henry, Beth and Justine are before they play major roles in the story. I like how Victor's mother pushes him to get together with Beth, for instance -- but I could even see this being a flashback at the moment we first meet Beth in the story.
The pace mostly worked for me until the end, when things felt a little more linear and didn't quite "escalate" into the panicked, violent confrontation being described in the text. Shorter passages might work, and maybe with more desperate-feeling choices? (The one where you can step in front of Henry, or hide Henry's eyes etc certainly works, but that feels like a major choice, and the later section seems like it could use some minor ones too.)
Foot, definitely the foot -- great negative agency choice :D
Not going to lie the reveal for the Frankenstein killing the little brother feels off. When we first saw him speak (which was a big "oh shoot" moment), he sounded mature. As he continues to speak and he reveals he strangled Will, it doesn't sound like him. Make sure you keep his tone consistent!
I didn't read the book so you can correct me on this. If we're not playing as Frankenstein, why do we play as someone who has the last name?
I feel like the choices were good but maybe you should consider going more into the creation process of Frankenstein. Yes, we worked with the foot and the fun is making im come to life but what about the building process. How did we get the heart, and, the brain, and the eyes?
QUESTIONS FOR FEEDBACK
How do you feel about the choices and options? are there too many/ too few of a certain kind? Do you feel like you have agency in the story? How about big text walls- Is there too much text in each passage?
The feet part gave me serotonin thank you. This was very good and heartwarming! I'm happy that there's a good ending with Henry. Also this feels extremely complete already which is cool, you can spend the last week making it even better.
The reveal at the end that it's Victor telling Justine everything that happened makes sense, until you think from the beginning. The entire exposition dump there wouldn't make any sense if it's Victor telling his sister about stuff that she already knows, unless I'm reading it wrong? Either way, I felt like there was a lot of explained exposition right away that was too much and was hard to keep up with a little bit. You could instead think about opening at the mom's death and then through that show Victor's relationships with others, in order to minimize the amount of actual flat explaining that will have to be done (just a random thought you don't have to implement by any means!) This would also make sense with the whole explaining to Justine part, since you could say the mom's death is where it all started for Victor and his creation of the monster, something that she wouldn't know I think?
Overall, it was really good! Great writing, incredibly heartwarming and wholesome content, which is interesting for a story as horrific and iconic as Frankenstein. I liked the pacing a lot and the way it's formatted. The stylesheet is also verryyyy cool and fitting
While the beginning feels like a bit of an exposition dump, I can understand where it's coming from in how the original story is told. It may work better if the information was integrated throughout the story a little bit more, though.
The choices I was making felt a little uninformed at the beginning; while I've read the book, in the context of the game, I don't know who I am or what I'm doing. Are the choices I'm making deciding who I'm going to be/who I am? I'm not entirely sure if the choices I make change what's happening.
Overall, it felt like the majority of the story was exposition, and some portions jumped in time as well. Since the story is being told in past tense, maybe an introduction into why Victor's telling this story could go a long way in grounding it!
The negative choices - where what I thought was going to happen didn't, such as trying to call Henry but getting the answering machine - felt successful! I felt like the story was nudging me in a certain direction, but in a way that felt meaningful to Victor.
There's a bit of disparity between Victor's internal thoughts and the voice of the choices he makes. I feel like this works, however, since it's almost as if he's ignoring his subconscious and goes ahead with his work anyways.
Frankenstein's voice sounds a little formal, for having learned to speak from listening in on a modern family.
Beth's reactions to Victor telling her about Frankenstein - especially after Victor talks to her about his talk with the monster - felt a bit disconnected from what was going on. I felt like there were good hints and lead-up to the conversation immediately after - about Victor being gay - but it felt a bit sudden after what just happened with Frankenstein.
I really liked the different endings that change based on how your relationship to Henry changes! I kind of felt like there weren't huge consequences for Victor's/the creatures actions in the larger world, however.
(Sorry if my comments are a little haphazard, I wrote my thoughts out as I was playing!)
Yo! Endings!
I like the way you took it. Since I provided feedback last time, though, I'll spare you the words.
Also, my brain is mush. I've blazed through six games so far. help
hello, im early (i played your game this morning, max!)
i remember you asked me if your choices provided "agency" and if i felt as though they impacted anything. after playing through this demo, i realized that many of the choices affected my relationship with Henry and Beth (i keep imagining henry cavil as henry? sorry about my type casting). so, in that case, it makes the interactions with the Creature feel very odd, as you cant show any ounce of sympathy to it. is this a commentary of how victor doesnt see the creature as a person?
regardless! the writing is still top notch, and i was very happy that i got the chance to talk it out with henry about my feelings. i dont have crushes/like guys, but i felt happy to be with henry